Prepare for millstones

In long-term relationships, we often think of today as an extension of yesterday and tomorrow as an extension of today. We may not particularly notice how time is passing or pause to reflect on our circumstances. Milestone events, however—births, deaths, career change, children leaving home—inspire reflection.

Don’t bring your job home with you

We spend more waking hours on the job than doing anything else. We are taught from a young age to value hard work and that it will be rewarded. We hear far less about the efforts required in our relationships. When the workday is over, the work must recede out of your thoughts and time.

Workaholics, people who never seem to stop working or thinking about work, are three times more likely to say that their personal life is unsatisfying.

We assume similar preferences

It’s difficult, sometimes very difficult, to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. When, lacking better information, we project our own feelings onto someone else, we wind up offering our preferred response to our own projected feelings. While we assume similarity because it is easier to do so, if we were being realistic we would more carefully consider others; preferences.

Don’t let secrets eat you up

While honesty might be thought of as the best policy, some truths might be too devastating to admit in a relationship. In situations in which you fear that the effects of the truth in your relationship might be devastating, seek a trusted confident with whom you can discuss the truth and relieve your burden.

To find a better way, look where you’ve been

Unless you make an effort to think about what you are doing and why, you are likely to repeat yourself, often to the detriment of your relationship.

Money matters less over time

If you were purchasing a house, you would pay attention to the features that matter most to you. But when we are thinking about potential mates, we pay the most attention to things that matter the least to us in the long run. That is, when we conjure up images of the ideal mater, that person is often pretty wealthy. However, when we actually live our lives, the significance of wealth drops to almost nothing in our evaluation of our relationship. That will give meaning to your life and love, have nothing to do with money.

Recognize the value of shared values

Your core values were formed a long time ago and will likely be yours for the rest of your life. The same is true for the other person in a relationship. Given that neither of you is likely to change your core beliefs, it helps if those beliefs are compatible.

Understand what you are looking for

People have basic ideas about the world and their place in it. These ideas are fundamental to their life and to everything they do. To better understand what you need from a relationship, think about who you are. Your interests, beliefs, career choice are all indicators of your fundamental personality.

Don’t wait to start moving in the right direction
We tend to miss a lot of opportunities to think about things, to make changes, to make things better. We often continue down the path we are on regardless of whether we find it rewarding or even acceptable. Don’t wait for the moment that shakes you out of your routine to examine what you are doing. Work on making your personal life as fulfilling as you want right now.  

Show your care, even when it’s hard to

In a perfect world there would be little or no conflict in a relationship and it is hard to show you care when you are in the midst of a conflict. In fact, there is no more important time to demonstrate that you care your partner. You can’t be rocked and be loved. You must open up and be vulnerable. Love grows as you make the other person feel special and invest in the other person.  

Make your decisions for positive reasons

Most people tend to have avoiding negative outcomes as their top priority when making decisions instead of making decisions by seeking the positive outcomes of their choices. In relationship, this means that we tend to ask ourselves what’s to be lost if I make this decision instead of what’s to be gained. This pattern can lead to continuing unsatisfying situations because of a fear that things might get worse. Make your decisions based on getting what you want, not on avoiding what you don’t want.

The pieces of your life must fit together

Your two favorite foods might taste delightful separately but terrible in combination. Your career and your relationship, likewise, are two forces that combine to make your life. Seek not two ideals that would never fit together but two compatible situations that will make your life work.

Master your fears

Social interactions, require you to reveal something of yourself. For many people, this process is nerve-racking because we fear that what we say and d won’t be good enough. People overcome these fears in one of two ways: either they come to believe that everything they say and do will be adored, or they let themselves not care about winning everyone else’s approval every moment of the day. Abandon the fear of negative reaction and the need to edit yourself moment by moment because those who react positively to the real you are the people whose company you should seek.

Limit your interests in the past

We all are curious about our partner’s past. We want to know about all their previous relationships, and especially the serious ones. But too much attention to this subject is dangerous. It breeds worry, comparisons, and ultimately conflict.

You are never too old to find love

People give up all the time on relationships because they think they’ve run out of time. The truth is that the need for human companionship does not go away over time. Neither does the capacity to find joy in a relationship fade over time. Never give up, because you are never too old.

We look inward to see how people feel about us

The health if a relationship or the number of close friends—the outward indicators of being liked and loved—are not as important in predicting a feeling of being liked and loved as is self-esteem. The overriding reason people fail to bring forth their personal power is the absence of self-love, a compassionate self-acceptance, psychological warts and ll. Like many of life’s major challenges, the answer is simple: love thyself. 

Connect, see you’re capable, and know you count

If we are going to fit into human society, we must see that we are connected to others—that we are not alone and that our decency is unshakable. We must see that we are capable of accomplishing important goals and making a contribution to the lives of those around us. It’s important to know your boundaries. What you have to keep in yourself, things you must know without question. Just for purpose of survival, and to be real instead of superficial.

Be willing to evolve

When the same conflict keeps coming up in a relationship, both partners will feel frustrated. A relationship therefore requires that both parties be willing to evolve. That does not mean giving up the traits that define you, but it does mean avoiding rigidity in your thinking. If you can put yourself in your partner’s place and learn from that experience, you will evolve in ways that make possible a better relationship.

Reliability counts a lot

Relationship depends on communication; we all know that. And meaningful communication demands reliability. Your words need to mean something. Say what you mean, and do what you say you are going to do. Always.

You are complete by yourself

A relationship is not a requirement. Your health and welfare do not require a relationship. A relationship may be a crucial part of your life and your future, but you by yourself have everything necessary to survive and thrive. Believe in yourself—regardless of your situation right at the moment—and you will be complete. 

Beware second opinions

It’s important to value informed opinions. But no one else can assess what we truly need and value in our personal life. Second, people tend to be far less optimistic about the relationships of others than they are about their own relationship. When it comes to relationship decisions, you’ll have to decide for yourself.

I think we all have to listen to our inner thing. I pray that I don’t make my decision based on ego and don’t listen to others when I should be listening to myself.

Have faith but don’t forget reality

Faith that things will work out should not lead us to think every day will be perfect. Believe in others and in the future, but believe, too, in the work it will take to make that future what you want it to be.

The marriage vow should say: I agree to disagree with you for the rest of my life. You’re the person I’m going to discuss and argue and work things out with forever.

Nice people don’t finish last

It’s a popular notion to think that nice people are overlooked, while other people have all the fun. In truth, the quality of being nice is among the most highly valued in potential partners. Don’t let anybody tell you that there aren’t any nice guys out there.

Relationships are like modern art

While successful relationships have many things in common, much of the time our assessment of the state of a relationship is purely personal. In other words, what you see in relationship, like what you see in a piece of modern art, depends on how you look at it and what you are looking for.

Most people are looking for experienced rookies

We are most comfortable with a partner who has more than a little and less than a lot of previous relationship experience. In studies asking people to rate their interest in dating another person, increasing that person’s past number of sexual partners from zero up to four makes them sound more desirable. Each partner beyond five, however, makes the person sound less desirable.  

It’s for you—or it isn’t

Friends and family might mean well when they ask, ”When are you going to get married?” or “When are you going to have children?” But their questions can come across as pressure to conform to some external standard. Your future, your goals, your relationships are not a means of answering critics. When and whether you do something are for you alone to decide.  

See the horizon, watch your step

Relationships are built on long-term values and short-term actions. You need to see the long-term goals and needs that your relationship will fulfill. This long-term perspective will give your relationship value to you in the moment, which is where you need to demonstrate, on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis, your dedication to a healthy relationship.

The notion of a marriage sabbatical—time away from one’s partner to refresh oneself—has advocates among psychologists. They think it means that a marriage is strong and encourage growth, individualism, renewal, the pursuit of dreams.  

The search for perfection is endless  

There is a difference between looking for something that is healthy and satisfying and looking for something that is perfect. The difference is that healthy and satisfying exist; perfect does not. Your relationship should contribute to your life and to the life of your partner. It should not be expected to provide you with someone who agrees with your every thought and preference or who can fill you every moment with joy.  Day to day, it is all about compromise. It’s about giving in and saying you’re sorry or dumb.

Gentlemen prefer the same things ladies prefer

We have stereotypes about the things men want in a woman and the things women want in a man. These are the kinds of things we sometimes joke about. But at the same time, many of us believe them to be true, and we try to adapt ourselves to fit the model of what we think potential partners are looking for. The truth of the matter is that men and women today are looking for the same things.

From thousands of ads, people reveal themselves in a way that is really unique. They define who they are succinctly, perhaps overly optimistically, and they define the essence of what they are looking for---sometimes suggesting great depth, and oftentimes suggesting a most superficial level of their thinking.  Women are just as likely as men to make requests regarding appearance or background when describing soul mate. In other words, as women gain economic power, women can be just as frivolous as men and look for a cute butt. The age-old, evolutionary contract between men and women, in which men provided security and women comfort, is changing. Men and women are now looking for the same thing.

Love is blind but life isn’t always

Expectations about who you are allowed to marry are slowly vanishing. For example, society has evolved past the point of expecting people to marry only others of the same race or ethnicity. Yet even while there is no reason for you to exclude groups of people as potential partners, you must recognize the challenges you will face and embrace them. Some people are still likely to see any departure from their expectations and traditions as a threat to themselves. Cross-cultural relationships can be burdened with the strain of dealing with the world or fortified by a mutual response to closemindedness.

Balance depends on which way you learn

We all know that we should strive to balance our lives. For those who work long hours and focus much of their attention on their career, greater commitment to their relationship and family time must become a priority. But for those whose focus is the family, greater time working outside the home actually increases the health of relationships and family life.

Studies find that the balance between work life and personal life is consistently different for men and women. Most women express more satisfaction with their family as they work more hours outside of the home. Most men express less satisfaction with their family life as they work more hours outside of the home.

The future matters more than the past

The task of a successful relationship never ends because the point of a relationship is to build toward the future, not the past.

You don’t have to see eye to eye on everything

In reality, relationship success does not depend on seeing things the same way. Instead, respect for the other person’s perspective is far more important than constant agreement with it.

Who is exactly like you? Who agrees with absolutely everything you think? You. Just you. That’s it. But you are not married to yourself; you are married to another person. And for every idea of yours that you want appreciated, respected, or at least tolerated, there are ideas of your spouse you will have to put up with.

Be open with each other

Many people in strong and vital relationships are suffering through some kind of difficulty in life, while people who seem to have everything one could ever want are in crumbling relationships. The difference is not the circumstances; the difference is how the partners connect with each other. A good husband needs to share everything, to include your spouse in your day, your life, your thoughts.

Accentuate the positive in all respects of your life

Logically, our feelings toward our relationships, our job, our family, and our friends should be independent of one another. Logic does not always rule our feelings, though, in truth, we tend to allow our feelings about one major aspect of our lives to affect our feelings about other, unrelated, aspects of our lives. Avoiding the negative and emphasizing the positive aspects of your life will encourage you to see positives in your relationship.

Ambivalence is a negative

When we are not sure, we often out off making a decision. After all, we are worried we’ll make the wrong one. This happens in all phases of life, including our relationships. The difference is that ambivalence about which shoes to buy doesn’t affect the health of shoes. Ambivalence about a relationship, in contrast, eats away at the relationship because it represents the absence of definite positive feelings—an absence both partners will be aware of. And that absence of a positive is a negative.

A relationship starts with yourself

People need loving human relationships. We all benefit from close social contact. But many of us think relationships will complete us—fill in any holes in our lives. In reality, if you are not happy with who you are, a relationship will not change that, and in fact it will be difficult to maintain healthy relationships.

I used to see it as a chicken-and-egg problem. Which comes first, a healthy self-image or healthy relationship? It seems like you need a healthy self-image to have healthy relationships, and you need healthy relationships to have a healthy self-image. Then I realized that I had less control over my relationsips—people up and move on you, or they enter new phases of their lives without you—so I had to start with myself. If you don’t think you are a good person, worthy of your own affection, it is hard for other people to disagree with you. On the other hand, when I really looked for the value in myself, it was easier for me to see it in other people.

Let go of the burden of pain

You’ve been hurt and then apologized to. It is painful, but you decide it is within your heart to forgive. Yet the pain doesn’t just go away. You carry with you the trauma of what happened, and you think of it even when there is no reason to. You have to let go of the pain. Carrying it around makes it seem like the hurt is fresh every day. Only you can put it away.

Even in a relationship, you are still an individual

Strong, healthy relationships are built on notions of equality. The strongest relationships support both partner’s dreams, even if they differ, not one partner’s at the expense of the other’s.

Like the way you look

If you are not comfortable with your image of your body, you will not be comfortable with anyone else’s image of your body. And if that happened, it will erode your self-confidence and make it much more difficult to find or maintain a relationship.

Don’t romanticize the past

We tend to have positive notion of the past. Times were simpler, life was easier, families were stronger. Admittedly, definitions of family life have changed tremendously in the past fifty years and divorce rates are higher now. But the traditions of the past included marriages based on almost no existing connection between the partners and, in the case of a loveless union, the expectation of lifelong suffering because there were no available alternatives. While we face challenges in finding and keeping relationships today, we should also see the opportunities and the freedom available to us that did not exist in the past. Studies comparing relationships today to relationships fifty or more years ago find that levels of commitment are largely unchanged, but the biggest difference is that freedom of choice to enter, maintain, or leave relationships was less prevalent then.  

Share the praise and share in the blame

Whether we mean to or not, we tend to give ourselves credit for things that go well, and we tend to blame others when things go awry. Understand that you are likely to see things this way and your partner is as well. If we can learn instead to graciously accept some of the blame and generously share the credit, we will be contributing to a happier relationship.

You can’t find without looking

The vast majority of relationships start after meeting in school, at a workplace, in a common neighborhood, or through family or mutual acquaintances. While you may find the partner of your dreams in these places, typical sources are also tremendously limiting. If you are looking for someone, think carefully about where you look and how you can expand your interactions with new people.

Among those who have used a personals service, 73 percent thought the effort was worthwhile. Users said the best feature of the service was that it exposed them to people they would never have met otherwise.

Meaningful commitment is mutual commitment

Your efforts alone, no matter how great, cannot make a relationship healthy or satisfying. A relationship not only requires effort from two people but requires mutual effort from two people. Increasing your commitment to your relationship will not help unless you do so with your partner. On a rowing team, everybody has to try hard, but no one can try harder than anyone else or the boat will go in circles. The same is true in a relationship.

Friendships predict relationships

While they are obviously not as intense, close friendships require the same foundation of communication skills and selflessness necessary for a successful relationship. The requirements of being supportive and willing to adapt over time are necessary for both. Take the confidence you have in your friendships, and understand that if you can maintain a friendship you can maintain a relationship.

The mundane is heroic

We recognize that having a long-standing relationship is an achievement. But that achievement is built on a nearly infinite series of actions, including a daily, hourly, moment-to-moment commitment to each other. It is certainly not always easy, and the rewards are not always immediately apparent, but sacrificing your immediate preferences and being committed to sharing, caring, and listening are mundane but heroic steps toward your lifetime relationship goal. 

We ‘re a team every day, helping if we can, watching if we can’t.

The ability to maintain open, healthy communication in a relationship is associated with strong levels of such highly regarded personal qualities as self-restraint, generosity, commitment to justice, and good judgment.

See possibilities where others see obstacles

Even the strongest, best relationship experience problems that suggest it might not last. The real question is which evidence you pay more attention.

Set rule for conflict

While every relationship has disagreements, you are never going to agree on everything, and you shouldn’t try to agree on everything. But one vital agreement will help you reduce the pain of disagreements: choosing a method for your discussion.

Anyone can find a happy relationship

People of every kind of background have found happiness in relationships, and people of every kind of background have encountered difficulties. Fulfilling relationships have everything to do with who you are but not with what you are.

It’s not just a fantasy. I believe there’s something like a soul mate out there, something close to that true connection, that feeling when you know you can’t live without this other person and you don’t want to.

I’m not working on a deadline. I’m not a product on the shelf that’s going to expire. I’m going to live my life and find someone. I have no doubt. Look around you at the evidence—all sorts of people are finding each other all the time, all over the time, all over the place. I’ll find the right people for me.

Age, income, education, and religion are unrelated to the likelihood of relationship satisfaction.  

It’s not how hard you try

We’ve heard platitudes about hard work all our lives. But trying really hard, by itself, is not a recipe for success. In fact, maximum effort can be a great source of frustration and pain when our efforts are not rewarded with a better relationship. Work on your relationship with meaningful goals that will contribute to your relationship’s health and your happiness.  

You have nothing to envy

If you are thinking about potential partners, you would no doubt be excited about finding someone who was very successful at work. And yet in a relationship, people often find themselves envious of the success of their partner. They begin to see the success of their partner as a personal failure of as a score in some kind of competition. Yhis makes little sense and does no one any good. There is no trophy for bettering your partner. The real prize foes to those who refuse to compete with their partner. That prize is contentment and a more satisfying relationship.  

Attitude triumphs over outcome

There is no way to predict exactly what will happen or when it will happen. What you can do is continue. Continue being someone who contributes to others’ happiness. Continue being someone who sees the good around you. Continue being someone who would offer love, affection, and support to the right partner.

Looking for a relationship in the city can be harder than finding a seat on the subway at rush hour. Everyone has their guard up, and everybody has a busy schedule and an agenda. It is sometimes hard to just relax and meet someone.

I get a good laugh out of all it.

Don’t be bound by tradition

Over time the patterns in relationships have been evolving dramatically. For a relationship to function and thrive, we must live within our own standards, not those imposed from another time.

Being a real man, a family man, means communicating, not wanting to be left alone. It means never being afraid to show love.  

The past is not the future

You can learn from your experiences and avoid mistakes of the past. Most people who exited an unhappy relationship were in a happy relationship within three years, and 74 percent said that their new relationship was significantly different.

I don’t believe you can ever be what you were in the past because of so many things, your experiences. You cannot be the same person. I live in the present. There is no other way, because you cannot worry about the past or the future.

Even after climbing all the way back, she admits the deep desire is no longer there on a daily basis.  

No one wins the comparison game

Your relationship must be evaluated based on your own needs.

A consumer mentality: anything can be replaced if it stops meeting our needs. I was doing that to my relationship—treating it as a product and wondering if I couldn’t trade it in for a better one. I was free to put my energy into it, instead of putting my energy into wondering whether this was worth it.  

See the love around you

Feeling loved and knowing that you are worthy of love are necessary to creating or maintaining any relationship.  

Doing nothing is rarely a solution

Approach your relationship with all your attention and abilities, the way you would approach anything that is important to you.

The biggest predictor of staying together is how well they’re able to work through their differences. 

You’ll forget the disagreement but remember the disagreeing

Regardless of the disagreement at hand, remember to always put the feeling of your partner ahead of specific complaint because the feelings will linger long after the complaint is solved of forgotten.  

Pursue what you need forever, not what you want today

View the search for a happy relationship not as a process of immediate satisfaction but as a means to pursue your fundamental needs.

Couples that pursue a hedonistic dorm of happiness, seeking to fulfill their desires regardless of their needs, endure twice as much conflict as couples that pursue more altruistic forms of happiness (that is, based on creating feelings of unity and mutual satisfaction).  

Seek harmony in your life

A satisfying life is not one in which you feel good about one part of your life and ignore the other parts, but one in which you feel rewarded in everything you care about.

In spite of all the usual bustle and chaos, there was a hushed aura surrounding him, like the quiet at the center of a storm.

It’s the little things that matter the most

The peaks of life may be wonderful and the depths of our life painful. We define our relationships based not on the best days or the worst days but on the average days. Strive to be supportive in average ways on average days, and you will set in place a major building block of a relationship.

A relationship requires two equals

Relationships crumble under the weight of imbalance. Neither person can be more important. Neither people can be more involved or committed. Neither person can make all the decisions. Neither person can make all the sacrifices. In the project that is a relationship, no one gets top billing because without two equals there is no relationship.

An individual woman who could do everything and more than a man stayed in the lower-paying, less pleasant job.

The relationships of partners who characterize each other as equal in making decisions, in sacrificing for the relationship, and in performing household chores are likely to last more than twice as long as relationships in which these factors are not equal.

Beware if fairy tales

Our first concepts of relationships, love, marriage, and life happily ever after are powerfully influenced by classic stories we read and films we see. But don’t riddle yourself with expectations of a fairy tale in which the story is strictly about the search for love and the rest of life is just supposed to figure itself out.  

Cultivate a common interest

Each of us wants to be a positive part of our partner’s life and have our partner be a positive part of our life. Common interests encourage positive communication and fun, and they strengthen the sense of connection between partners.

We are in no hurry to get back to the pressure of everyday life. The world can go on without us knowing about it.  

There is no point in putting on a show

In fact, many people who are discontent are satisfied to remain where they are. They are unhappy with their relationship but have little inclination to end it. They want to remain their relationship not for the relationship but because they see the social benefits of it. They seek the presentation value to family, friends, and colleagues of being in a relationship. There is no satisfaction, no fulfillment, no point to being in a relationship that does not meet your needs.

You make your own history

We’ve all seen many divorces and countless failed relationships. Take what you can learn from the relationship mistakes and triumphs you witness, but don’t limit yourself to reliving someone else’s experience.

Maintain your sense of control

In all aspects of your life, you will feel greater sense of satisfaction and less stress if you maintain a sense of control. You have to recognize that your decision shape your life, regardless of what else might be happening around you.  

Money can’t buy love, but it can buy stress

What is the single most important part of your life? It’s not money. It never has been, and it never will be. But how many times has a disagreement about money—how to spend it, how to get it, how much is enough—gotten in the way of your enjoying time with loved ones? When we let the superficial things get in the way of the substantial, our relationship cannot possibly remain healthy. We will be disturbed if we don’t have enough money and even disappointed when we do have enough money because it will not bring us the joy and fulfillment we need. Put money in its place—behind what really matters to you.

The average people abuse money, which is the inability to control ourselves with regard to spending. It is a recurrent, often unconscious, use of money to overcome underlying issues.    

There are no mind readers

When you need support, explain the situation. The response you receive will be not only more meaningful but also more powerful. We have to say what we mean—with no underlying messages. If the emotional message is different from the content, that’s a problem.  

There is no need to hurry

The age at which people choose to marry has been rising every decade for the past hundred years. The age at which those who have children first do so has also been rising every decade for the past hundred years. People are starting these life-altering courses later and later for many reasons, including financial pressures and a desire to obtain and maintain independence. There’s no need to hurry. Relationships are not a race, and there’s no prize for finishing first.  

Friends speak from experience—their own

When we ant validation for our decisions we often turn to friends for advice and approval. But our friends can speak only from their own experience. And while in most things the words of an experienced veteran would be highly valued, in making decisions about your relationship, your friends will be speaking from their experience, not yours. Neither you nor your situation is something that your friends have experience with. Value their friendship, but understand that their advice applies primarily to themselves.

The advice that you shouldn’t allow things to change in your life just because you’re getting married was a disaster. I realized that pretty early on that to stay together, each partner must make the other number one. I realized that I could love someone as much as I love myself—and even more. And that the reward is in the caring, not in the selfishness.  

Decide whether you want to win or be happy

In truth, there are only two outcomes in relationship argument, either you both win or you both lose. Couples are not enemies. Focus not on the other person, but on the problem that stands between you.  

A sense of humor helps

A good joke can brighten any day, bringing joy to both the teller and the listener. In a relationship, a good sense of humor helps to make the average day more fun, and it lessens the burden of the bad days.  

See the friendship in your relationship

The great struggles, dilemmas, and debates in your life are likely to happen within your relationship, and by comparison your friendship looks easier or better. But if you see the friendship in your relationship, you can recognized that the difficulties are a prelude to their strength.  

The most time is not the best time

If we have found the one person in the world we want most to spend our time with, then why not spend as much time together as possible? Because relationships thrives on the quality, not the quantity, of contact. For most people, a little distance every day is necessary for their own independent interests and needs. Time apart also serves to strengthen the relationship by giving both partners a chance to feel an active need for each other and to experience the pleasure of reuniting.  

最近跑p所开会，已习惯于来往间以平常心看那栋E式房子，不曾想答辩时遇一特象C的，那种清廋矍铄和云淡风轻，立时崩溃　几天来看到路上宝石蓝的车竟也起波澜，真是疯了

又见J来的L，报告很精彩，因实验成功，神才飞扬，较N年前好得多；提出idea,　等到乌发变白发，终于齐活了，不容易　望着那水泻不通的围问，TG溜了，不地道，至少该打声招呼的，但没有拿得出手可以合作的东西，说什么都是白扯，忽想起那年S放弃圣诞帮TG查程序的事，愈发愧疚

据说这次的NS又有问题，很多人在自发地努力，想要帮到TG，包括近花甲的Z，感激ing 想这些年做的烂事，真是很抱歉，怎么会走成这样，自己都狂b4自己

花了一天的时间传递和整理文件，想把pa部分捡起来，在运行时总是遇到问题，郁闷至极　终于还是在笔记一个不起眼的角落里找到了答案，好脑瓜不如烂笔头，看来有必要弄个技术blog

大题有五道，其中的最后两道均写为4的标号，考题写了“从下面两个4题中任选一题”，结果很多学生从所有题目中只选一道来答，看来真的有必要加强汉语教育

看办公室闹剧，所谓的可知论者以一种让人诧异的手法逼出一位潜水人员，兼带对上司洗脑，事后拿出一幅天使的样子来，呵呵　看了还真是长见识但愿自己不在人家的关注名单上　

随着气温急剧上升，又有厌倦感，周围的氛围也让人窒息，于是准备去南边，偏又看中了一款裙子，为了不太败家，弃飞择行，差价刚好可以补差却被S大骂BT，说自虐倾向严重不管了，已经决定就这样做好了

去书店，看底层蜿蜒延续的队伍直排到大太阳底下，说是台湾某乐队的签售，忽然就想起当年摸黑排队报名考试的情形和太阳下排了长队捧着所谓的红宝书等着占据教室有利位置的样子，转眼，算是有十多年了，什么都没做，自己莫名地就老了

3个师弟分别有不同的去处和不同的位置，毕业晚宴上，席间老板引了围城里的一席话：讲师，副教授，教授正如丫头，姨太太，正夫人只见这厢一壁人均现乌鸦飞过头顶的样子，汗都下来了 　

 
1、　结婚仿佛金漆的鸟笼，笼子外面的鸟想住进去，笼内的鸟想飞出来；所以结而离，离而结，没有了局
　
2、酒不醉人人自醉，色不迷人人自迷，今朝有缘来相会，明日你东我向西。　　

3、　老头子恋爱像老房子着了火，烧起来没有救的　
4、狗为追求水中肉骨头的影子，丧失了到嘴的肉骨头!跟爱人如愿以偿结了婚，恐怕那时候，肉骨头下肚，倒要对水恨惜这不可再见的影子

5　世间哪有恋爱？压根儿是生殖冲动　

6  从此他们俩的交情像热带植物那样飞快的生长着

7 爱情跟性欲一胞双生，类而不同，性欲并非爱情的基本，爱情也不是性欲的升华

8 许多人谈婚姻，语气仿佛是同性恋爱，不是看中女孩子本人，是羡慕她的老子或她的哥哥。

9 可见结婚无需太伟大的爱情，彼此不讨厌已经够结婚资本了

10 鲍小姐从小被父母差唤惯了，心眼伶俐，明白机会要自己找，快乐要自己寻。所以她宁可跟一个比自己年龄长十二岁的人订婚，有机会出洋。
 
11 丈夫是女人的职业，没有丈夫就等于失业，所以该牢牢捧住这饭碗。

12 想来这是一切女人最可夸傲的时候，看两个男人为她争斗。可是方鸿渐也许像这几天报上战事消息所说的，“保持实力，作战略上的撤退。”

13 女人不傻决不因为男人浪费摆阔而对他有好印象——可是，你放心，女人全是傻的，恰好是男人所希望的那样傻，不多不少。 

 14 自己决不会爱方鸿渐，爱是又曲折又伟大的情感，决非那么轻易简单。假使这样就会爱上一个人，那么，爱情容易得使自己不相信，容易得使自己不心服了。

15女人有女人的特别的聪明，轻盈活泼得跟她的举动一样。比了这种聪明，才学不过是沉淀渣滓。说女人有才学，就仿佛赞美一朵花，说它在天平上称起来有白菜番薯的斤两。真聪明的女人决不用功要做成才女，她只巧妙的偷懒——

16 渐渐地恨不能天天见面了；到后来，恨不能刻刻见面了。写好信发出，他总担心这信像支火箭，到落地时，火已熄了，对方收到的只是一段枯炭。

17悲剧里的恋爱大多数是崇高的浪漫，她也觉得结婚以前，非有伟大的心灵波折不可。就有一件事。她决不下。她听说女人恋爱经验愈多，对男人的魔力愈大；又听说男人只肯娶一颗心还是童贞纯洁的女人。假如赵辛楣求爱，自己二者之间，何去何从呢？

18 二来她知道这是男人的世界，女权那样发达的国家像英美，还只请男人去当上帝，只说He，不说She。

19 烤山薯这东西，本来像中国谚语里的私情男女，“偷着不如偷不着，”香味比滋味好.

20 有鸡鸭的地方，粪多；有年轻女人的地方，笑多。 　

21 拍马屁跟恋爱一样，不容许有第三都冷眼旁观

22  写信容易出丑，地位很高，讲话很体面的人往往笔动不来。可是，电话可以省掉面目可憎者的拜访，文理不通者的写信，也算是个功德无量的发明

23 你不讨厌，可是全无用处

24 “‘致身于国’、‘还政于民’等等佳话，只是语言幻成的空花泡影，名说交付出去，其实只仿佛魔术家玩的飞刀，放手而并没有脱手。”

25、“这一张文凭，仿佛有亚当、夏娃下身那片树叶的功用，可以遮羞包丑；小小一方纸能把一个人的空疏、寡陋、愚笨都掩盖起来”　

26 “出洋好比出痘子，出痧子，非出不可。小孩子出过痧痘，就可以安全长大，以后碰见这两种毛病，不怕传染。我们出过洋，也算了了一桩心愿，灵魂健全，见了博士硕士们这些微生虫，有抵抗力来自卫”

27“世界上大事情像可以随便应付，偏是小事倒丝毫假借不了。譬如贪官污吏，纳贿几千万，而决不肯偷人家的钱袋”　

28、“天生人是教他们孤独的，一个个该各归各，老死不相往来。……聚在一起，动不动自己冒犯人，或者人开罪自己，好像一只只刺猬，只好保持彼此的距离，要亲密团结，不是你刺痛我的肉，就是我擦破你的皮”　

29、“一个人的缺点正象猴子的尾巴，猴子蹲在地面的时候，尾巴是看不见的，直到它向树上爬，就把后部供给大众瞻仰，可是这红臀长尾巴是本来就有并非地位爬高的新标识”

30说完笑迷迷地望着李梅亭，这时候，上帝会懊悔没在人身上添一条能摇的狗尾巴，因此减低了不知多少表情的效果。

31 鸿渐然发现西洋人丑跟中国人不同：中国人丑得像造物者偷工减料的结果，潦草塞责的丑；西洋人丑得像造物者恶意的表现，存心跟脸上五官开玩笑，所以丑得有计划，有作用。

32 忠厚老实人的恶毒，像饭里的砂砾或者鱼片里未净的刺，会给人一种不期待的伤痛。

33 西洋赶驴的人，每逢驴子不肯走时，鞭子没有用，就把一串胡萝卜挂在眼睛之前，唇吻之上。这笨驴子以为走前一步，萝卜就会到嘴，于是一步再一步向前步，嘴愈要咬，脚愈往前赶，不止不觉又走了一站。到时候，它是否能吃得上萝拨卜，得看驴夫是否高兴

34生存竞争渐渐脱去文饰和面具，露出原始的狠毒。廉耻并不廉，许多人维持它不起。

35 科学家跟科学大不相同，科学家像酒，愈老愈可贵，而科学像女人，老了便不值钱

36讲师比通房丫头，教授比夫人，副教授呢，等于如夫人……丫头收房做姨太太，是很普通——至少在以前很普通的事；姨太太要扶正做大太太，那是干犯纲常名教，做不得的
　
37 中国是世界上最提倡科学的国家，没有旁的国度肯这样给科学家大官做的。外国科学进步，中国科学家进爵。

38 这次兵灾当然使许多有钱、有房子的人流落做穷光蛋，同时也让不知多少穷光蛋有机会追溯自己为过去的富翁。

39 无论如何，这些学生一方面盲目得可怜，一方面眼光准确得可怕。他们的赞美，未必尽然，有竟上人家的当；但是他们的毁骂，那简直至公至确，等于世界末日的“最后审判”，毫无上诉重审的余地。他们的美德是公道，不是慈悲。他们不肯原谅，也许因为他们自己不需要人原谅，不知道也需要人原谅
 

一切皆有定数，以为可行的事情终于还是变成了不可行，一件是客观上完全可行但主观上不可行的，一件是客观上就不可行的，不试不甘心，试过了也就那样吧

出去开了几天的会，回来发现办公桌被挪了，大大地发了通火，又挪了回来不过，梁子算是结下了，就当自己不会做人吧　什么毛病，不事先打招呼就乱动别人东西就像看到人家有一面墙不错，不打招呼就在上面打洞敲钉挂了广告板上去，等不同意时都取下来，这边没去怪他给墙上留下的洞痕，那边反倒怪这里小气不让他挂板人和人的想法还真不同，现在咋啥都以己为中心了哩

卷子改完了，取了个比例，弄成了85的正态分布，刚挂网上就有一个孩子sms说76对他太不公平，因为他平时没有抄袭过，很讲诚信，希望可以多给几分他对自己的最低要求是85，说现在连80都没上，真的好郁闷 查了成绩，换TG开始郁闷了，期中78，期末52，无论如何都不可能拿85的，不明白他为何这么自信电话过去，才知道他以前成绩都是90以上，这次考试的前3天一直在忙暑期社会实践的准备工作，熬夜写材料，压根没时间复习TG开始崩溃了,这门课可是6个必修学分啊，真是拿豆包不当干粮砸了这科，本学年的奖学金和评优都没戏了，而且还要在接下来的一年里取得非常好的专业课成绩才能补回这个差值，得之桑榆，失之东隅，如何做好权衡，是个问题

挂了篇文章到Los Alamos server，不管最后如何，总算是可以先告一段落，开心ing　

一个T州合作者说他的postdoc找了个正式位置，跑掉了，问TG是否有兴趣凑数，很抱歉地说因经费不足，只能给35,000/y　有点无语，造化弄人，N年前被据3次的疤又隐隐地痛了　自己斟酌了下，还是去问从T州回来的C，C很委婉地说扣税15%左右还有消费税，不管是经济上还是学术上，就TG目前的情况都不合适；问从M州回来的B，很直白地打击TG，省省吧，不看什么年龄了，赶紧找人嫁了生孩子是正事，也给刚毕业的人留点位置吧　倒，虽知讲得对，但还是恨得想在电话里传一大嘴巴子过去　这倒提醒了自己的明日黄花身份算了，还是努力做好手头的事情吧　

掌声响起，最后一堂课结了，得到和付出相比，很是愧对这些孩子，其实可以做得更好，且思且行吧

又去相亲，对方很直白地讲是不愿拂介绍人的好意才来的 剩到这个年龄的，似乎都已经习惯了一个人的日子，别人看来很异样，自己觉得很正常，看相对谁了，呵呵 立马想起了special relativity，感慨小爱同学就是牛啊，1905年，才20出头就悟到这样的道理了

堕落ing,2天时间看完3季的hero,感觉这些编剧还真好玩，好好的一个故事割裂成若干块，弄成若干可能，再来点时空变换，居然编出这么多季出来，后面还未完待续，倒！更无聊的是自己这样追着看的

两个答辩都集到了一天，一个上午一个下午，做完presentation, 开始狂鄙视自己怎么可以这么烂啊，郁闷N久，最后结果居然还不错 没啥好得意的，自己的水准自己最清楚

热了那么多天，今天居然下了雷阵雨，特意不带伞跑出去，淋雨踏水，独悦乐

看到蓝红粉的玫瑰标识，想起曾有那段时间为了弄小太阳，天天QQ在线，现在，已经过了那个年龄了

加点其他的
“40，50的大叔们喜欢和年轻的姑娘们调侃逗闷子。女人22岁以前，活泼可爱，私心杂念少，看世界看男人会站在公义的一面，比较本性。22－35的未婚女子。就越来越着急拥有属于自己的家庭和男人了。已没那么可爱。而结婚后的女子有了自己的家庭和孩子，会变的比较自私和狭隘。记得有段话说女人像一条河流，年老的妇人常见狰狞之色，因为她的河流越来越混浊了。' 美丽的女人少年时像露水一样纯洁，青年时像白桦一样蓬勃，中年时像麦穗一样端庄，老年时像河流的入海口，舒缓而磅礴。 美丽的女人经得起时间的推敲。时间不是美丽的敌人，而只是美丽的代理人。它让美丽在不同的时刻呈现出不同的状态，从单纯走向深邃'” 
 

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.

12. Talk slowly but think quickly.

13  When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, Why do you want to know?'

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

16. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

17 Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

18. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

19. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice

20. Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.